Taping Cheetahs to people's backs is a phenomenon unheard of mere
months ago until a popular communications company suggested in a
commercial that the practice could cause old women to go faster - so new
and weird and innovative is the idea that some are surprised that New
England Patriots' coach Bill Belichick didn't generate the concept.
After
all, the Patriots have been without elite speed in their receivers
corps since a certain Randy Moss was run out of town, and while last
year's tandem of Wes Welker and Brandon Lloyd were reportedly faster
than old women, it wasn't by much....
...so...Cheetahs.
Not any laws that I can find in regards to taping cheetahs to people's
backs, and nothing in the NFL rules books either, but the idea - while
provocative - would have too many drawbacks to have long-term success in
the league.
For example, what happens when the beast
gets hungry during a game? Cheetahs have a top speed of 75 miles per
hour, and there's lots of big, slow meals walking around on a football
field, plus they'd knock over the Gatorade trying to get a drink out of
the huge vats to wash down snackage.
And things really
start to go south when the tailgaters drive into the parking lot only to
see vultures circling the stadium, looking for leftovers...so perhaps
it's best to leave the idea of duct taping large wild animals to people
to a kids' imagination, where things like these aren't discussed...
...besides, Belichick took care of the speed issue this offseason - at least as far as the needs of his Patriots...
The
New England Patriots' receiver's corps are going to look much different
in 2013 than it did last season - something that shouldn't be too
difficult to accomplish.
Gone is last season's tandem
of Welker and Lloyd - a fair duo that got the job done every time -
except when it really counted - and in their stead comes an intriguing
mix of veterans and young greyhounds that in themselves can cause
mismatches in the secondary, but when combined with the power and skill
sets of the individual tight ends they form an imposing wall of weapons
that the Patriots can bring at you in waves.
The
popular view is that former St. Louis Rams' receiver Danny Amendola is a
replacement for Welker - a job that actually will fall to rookie Josh
Boyce if the speedster comes as advertised - and though the skill sets
are similar, Amendola's game is more about suddenness and speed as both a
slot presence and also a perimeter threat...and he proved to be the guy
that coach Bill Belichick wanted all along, as his signing made
Welker's agent's whining about money something that the team didn't have
to deal with any longer.
And...aw, man...haters...
...Ever
since Spygate every hater in the civilized world, parts of Canada and
the IRS views the Patriots are cheaters, and said with a heavy Southie
accent...you see where I'm going with this?
We can't
use Cheetahs - the haters would have a field day with that play on
words, and animal rights activists would be up in arms, not to mention
that the Hoveround people would be unhappy as well because Cheetahs are
much faster and far more dexterous than their machines...
...and
if you think Hoverounds take you where you wanna go, wait until you get
a load of of one of those big cats slowly coming out of the
tranquilizer fog and realizing that its duct taped to a 300 pound man...
So
it's good thing that Belichick went all in with receivers this
offseason, both in free agency and through the draft - free agent
pickups Donald Jones, Lavelle Hawkins and Mike Jenkins represent an odd
lot for sure, as either bust or underachiever tags come with all of them
while draft picks Aaron Dobson and Josh Boyce couldn't be any more
different.
While Jenkins has had some success in his 10
years under the shield, many assumed that his best days were behind
him, and those days weren't that much to talk about anyway - so who else
would have formed an immediate chemistry with Quarterback Tom Brady?
Jenkins
earned the unfortunate nickname of "Molasses Mike" due to lack of track
speed - which hardly strikes fear in opposing corners - but at 6' 4",
220 pounds he is an imposing target on the perimeter and is a solid
blocker, and seems to have gained favor with Brady, his veteran
attitude and work ethic and pass catching skill attributes that instills
confidence with the perennial Pro Bowl quarterback.
Hawkins
came into the league as a fourth round pick of the Tennessee Titans in
2008 and has started one game and has all of 71 receptions and one
lonely touchdown to his credit in five full years riding the pine in
Nashville. At first many thought the Hawkins signing was deemed as
bringing in competition in camp, but a $150,000 signing bonus suggests
otherwise - the team expects Hawkins and his 4.49 speed to carve a niche
in the offense for himself .
Patriots fans will
remember Jones as the poor geek that Vince Wilfork decleated in their
drubbing of the Bills in Buffalo last season, becoming the the poster child for the Patriots' intimidating defense in
the process. Like Hawkins, Jones is not terribly tall but is quick and
served as a somewhat reliable possession-type receiver for the Bills
after signing a rookie free agent contract with them in 2010.
In
fact, the Bills organization was so enamoured with Jones that they were
hoping that with his speed he would take charge of the #1 receiver slot
on their roster, but the emergence of Stevie Johnson and the recurrence
of IgA nephropathy, a kidney disease that can lead to total, abrupt
kidney failure dropped Jones to the status of afterthought with the
Bills, who released him early in the offseason process.
While
none of this sounds intimidating, it is true nonetheless that Amendola
and Jenkins will enter camp as the starters at wide receiver, the
hope being that second round draft pick Aaron Dobson will supplant
Jenkins and relegate him to a backup role - Dobson is much faster but
both are big bodied pass catchers with incredible hands.
Dobson
has had some concentration lapses in OTA's while Jenkins has been
Johnny-on-the-spot on the other end of Brady's bullets, so Dobson's
progress in camp will be one of the more intriguing story lines...
...as
will be the status of roadrunner Josh Boyce. A legitimate speed
merchant that Belichick drafted in the fourth round, Boyce owns just
about every receiving record there is at TCU. A bigger slot receiver,
Boyce can earn his money using his initial move off the line of
scrimmage to gain a step on the nickle corner and his 4.38 speed to run
away from him.
It is possible - in fact probable - that
all of the afore mentioned will make the Patriots' 53 man roster, Boyce
and occasionally Amendola in the slot, though Amendola will be used
primarily as a perimeter threat, greyhounds Jones and Hawkins
providing speedy depth and big bodies Jenkins and Dobson hauling in the
tough catches outside the numbers.
Though there are
numerous story lines involving broken and mending tight ends, the
x-factor in the Patriots offense is still Aaron Hernandez - an H-back
for all intents and purposes, Hernandez has to be included in the mix at
wide receiver and in the slot, essentially giving Brady the most
diverse and potentially talented group he's ever had in New England...
...Belichick leaving
nothing to chance, bringing in the pieces that are versatile enough to
play it anyway he wants it, with the size and skill sets to make an
injury or two not so devastating, and when one stops to consider that at
some point the Patriots are going to be able to field a lineup
including names like Gronkowski, Ballard, Hernandez, Jenkins and Dobson
as bigs with Amendola, Boyce and either Jones or Hawkins as the
speedsters, it is collectively intimidating.
Not even
mentioned is Julien Edelman who started to blossom as a regular
contributor last season, but has had a hard time staying on the field
and has reportedly had a setback in his recovery from a broken bone in
his foot and it is unclear what the expectations are for Edelman in
2013, but at this point he looks like loose baggage or a candidate for
the IR or release.
So it looks as if Bill Belichick has
been able to avoid the whole Cheetah/Duct Tape deal by bringing in a
few greyhounds to stretch the field and abiding by the most fundamental
rule in all of offensive football, that being to make the opposing
defense defend the entire field...
...and if things go
as planned, the opposition will find itself being stampeded by all
manner of metaphoric beasts downfield - and we haven't even struck on
the fine stable of horses in the backfield...
Next: 4.2 yards and a cloud of rubber tire pellets...
No comments:
Post a Comment